My girlfriend is completely incontinent and wears diapers. Do you have any advice of how to handle it?

My girlfriend is incontinent. It's something she can't control, and has to wear diapers. I love her to pieces.


I could really use some advice on how to handle this. Should I offer help with care? What things might I have not thought about to prevent embarassment for her? What if somebody makes rude comments, should I speak up, or stay quiet? ....and anything else you can think of!My girlfriend is completely incontinent and wears diapers. Do you have any advice of how to handle it?
Talk to her. As best as you can, be certain that she is ready to have this discussion. But if or when she is ready, have as frank a discussion as she will allow. If she is willing (and it sounds like you have a good relationship so I expect she is willing), ask every question you have and have her tell you everything she wants to get off her chest. Find out how she wants to handle things and whether she wants you to do anything at all or just be there for her. Tell her how you feel also and be truthful. If you haven't discussed this very much she might need a little reassurance from you that you understand and it's okay.





I have a similar experience. My wife has lupus. The drugs she takes to control the lupus has caused her to grow facial hair. She has a beard on one side of her face from cheek down to and including her chin. While she understands and accepts what's going on, it also embarrasses her. After we became a couple, we discussed the lupus and her beard and other related lupus things that affect her. After that discussion, things were much easier to deal with and now I usually know how she prefers to have awkward situations handled.





This discussion, while helpful, will not be a total ';fix all';. There will still be the occasional uncomfortable circumstance. (For instance, even though we have discussed the situation, when possible, my wife prefers that I not see or hear her shave. She bought the electric razor that makes the least amount of noise possible.) But having discussed the situation will allow your girl to know that you understand and she can depend on you when she needs assistance or understanding.My girlfriend is completely incontinent and wears diapers. Do you have any advice of how to handle it?
First of all she has it under control. Secondly, I think you already know what to do if someone makes fun of her because you did it at the bottom of your second details post. And as for the rest of it just play it by ear, in the future she might ask you to change her diaper and you have to ask yourself if you are willing to do that. And then there is sleeping together if she is wearing a diaper don't worry about getting peed on because you won't. Just act like its normal don't freak out over everything and make sure she doesn't get diaper rash.
My sister has the same problem, as she damaged her back in Basic Training.





I think it's great that you've been okay to deal wtih the way she feels.





As for whether do handle it, I'd be honest and ask her what she wants you to do.
Being so young she should try kegal exercises. This helps build up the muscles. Also she should see a doctor. There are surgeries that can be done to help the bladder. Depending on her clothing that she is wearing, Depends (diapers) can not be seen so nobody should be commenting on her wearing these.
I, myself, am also incontinent due to a medical condition. I have to wear diapers 24 / 7 because of it.





What you need to do is sit down with your girlfriend and have a good heart to heart talk with her and ask her what she would like. It may depend on how long she has had to wear the diapers as to what her response may be.





If she has had to take care of herself the whole time she has been incontinent then it may be hard for her to have someone else helping her. If she has had help in the past then she may be willing to have your help now.





Also the time and place will make a difference as to whether she would want your help changing her or not. I'm sure if you are out and about somewhere she will probably prefer to do it herself, but if you are at home she might rather have you do it for her. It is something that can really bring you much closer together. This is a very intimate and private thing and if she wants to share it with you then that can do nothing but strengthen your relationship.





When it comes to rude comments, unless she is wearing very tight form fitting clothing, a diaper is almost invisible. A lot also can depend on how incontinent she is, whether it is bowel and bladder or just bladder.





I actually wear cloth diapers, even away from home. They are a little bulkier than disposables but much more comfortable and in the long run a lot cheaper. Even with those, they are almost undetectable under my clothing. The choice of clothes will make a big difference.





I would have to assume that if she has been wearing them any length of time then her wardrobe is designed to hide them as much as possible. Think about it, how long had you been dating and going out with her before you ever found out? Point is, you didn't notice, and neither will anyone else unless something happens to bring attention to it.





If someone notices somehow that she is wearing a diaper, then they are probably looking for someone that is and know what to look for, if that's the case then they either like them or wear them themselves either for fun or out of necessity. If they do, then they aren't going to say anything unless it is in a positive way to try to get to know her and share experiences.





On the rare occassion that someone would be rude about it, let her defend herself but be there for her in case she needs you to back her up and help defend her. She should be the first one to speak unless you and she have come to an understanding before how of how to deal with this type of situation.





I wish you both all the luck in the world and congratulations.





Good luck.
Have you spoken with her about it? Ask if she wants help with her care and what she expects you to do in the event of rude comments. Sometimes people who suffer from embarrassing conditions such as this are sensitive to those things. Has she sought medical alternatives like surgery? I don't like surgery as the first choice, but maybe look around for exercises or alternative methods for strengthening (i.e., kegel exercise).
sounds like she has it under control-nice of you to be concerned about her that way; if someone says something rude in front of her and you are there-let her answer or respond, you can only support her in this by letting her be strong --- you can say something along the line of cruel treatment to anyone who would be rude otherwise.
She shouldn't be too embarrased, as long as she has it under control. Accept her for who she is.
Life is too short. I'd find another girlfriend.





But that's me. Your mileage may vary.